Six Months Later...

Sorry, I've been offline for a while. This is mainly due to the fact that I've been concentrating on other matters, such as not sleeping, screaming, shouting, singing (sort of), vomiting, pooing and weeing. I'm now brilliant at all of them.

Sometimes, I sleep all night (sometimes) but mostly I still wake up at least once. My mummy looks knackered. Daddy looks tired too, but he doesn't do as much as Mummy - he's mainly there for entertainment. He disappears to do something called 'work' but I don't know what that is. It seems to take a long time.

I did myself a disservice in the first paragraph - there's lots of other things I can do now. I can roll over onto my front and push myself up on my arms. I can't crawl yet, but I'm trying. Sometimes, I roll onto my front with such force, that I roll straight over onto my back again.



I really want to walk, but I can't without Mummy or Daddy holding me under my arms. I have a walker-thing but it's not the same, though neither Mum or Dad come with built-in sound effects. Now that they've got rid of the carpet and replaced it with laminate (apparently this is easier to clean), I can whizz around like Stirling Moss, whoever he is.


I love going in my swing in the garden, and the big swings at the park.



I love my bathtime. When I was just lying on my back it was fun enough, but now that I am starting to sit up in the bath, it's opened a whole new world for me.


I love to grab stuff and am constantly reaching out for the nearest thing - whatever it is: plant, toy, nose, light switch, DVD, ear, bird table, fish, hair - I'm really not fussed as long as I can grab it, and pull it. Or try to.

I've become increasingly fascinated by the big moving picture window in the living room. I hadn't really noticed it before, mainly because Mum and Dad don't let me look at it very much. But, in the last few months, I get to see a bit in the morning, and some in the evening. I'm not very fond of the programmes, but I love the theme tunes. My favourites are Rubbadubbers, Noddy, 64 Zoo Lane, Rory the Racing Car...I could go on, but I might imply denial of the good-natured statements made above.


Daddy has been taking me to a big bath - much colder than I am used to - for the last few months. I do like it in there, though I have to grip onto Dad like a monkey in case I fall into the water. It's much deeper than the bath. However, the good thing about this bath is that there's lots of other people in it, and some of them are little blonde girls, which is something I am quite keen on. In fact, there's nothing that gets me smiling more than ladies, of whatever age.

Other than that, life is pretty relaxed. Mum and Dad have been taking me to lots of places full of other children, toys, games and fun stuff, but I don't know what it's all about, though I like it. It's exciting. But I hope they don't leave me there forever.

Elevenses

I'm confused. I don't know what my name is. I think it's Max, but so far, and in no particular order, I am addressed as Junior Monkey, Man Cub, Maxi, Maximoo, Moozer, Monkey Moo, The Moo, Maximus and My Boy (by Daddy). Am I supposed to respond to all of them?

I think I'll just smile and wing it.

And Now I Am Ten (Weeks)

It's all turning out to be quite fun. I now engage in a range of activities competently: feeding (I am a guzzler, I know, you can tell by all the wind and farting); sleeping, which I'm just about fully-trained to achieve in a short space of time using a series of regular pats and shushing; and cry-screaming, which is what I do when I'm not feeding or sleeping.

Mr Crocodile has been my favourite toy, as I like his green fur and that he plays me nice music. Unfortunately, the tingly piano thing inside is now broken, through overuse. I'm sure there's a lesson in there for me. Thankfully, not only have I just been born (lots of presents) but it has also been Christmas (lots of presents). Mr Crocodile will not be retired, but he will be silent. For animated lights and noise now, I rely upon Alfie Bear, who keeps telling me that he loves me. I'm sure there's a lesson in there, too.

Oo, a bad thing happened the other day. I was asleep and went for a drive with Mum and Dad, and did my usual and carried on sleeping. I don't know whether it's the motion, or the fumes. Anyway, I was picked out of the car, all warm and fuzzy and sleepy, and Dad carried me into a white-walled room with a lot of seats. We sat. We got up and went into another room, me still completely zapped. Suddenly, there's a terrible pain in my leg, so I do my Option Three: screaming. I certainly woke up sharpish. And then it happened again, in my other leg. Scream some more. And then demand to be fed. That's what I'll do. Anyway, at least I know my pain reflexes are working properly.

I have been trying since I can remember to copy Mum and Dad's faces more and more, and I think I've now got smiling down off-pat. It seems to please Mum and Dad. Maybe I can use this tactic in the future. Will it work with teachers? And girls?

All in all, loving it. What a crazy place.

My First Week At Life

Well, this looks like it might be fun. I left hospital and came back to the family home last Tuesday night and it's very nice. Despite the lovely cot I've got, I prefer sleeping with Mum and Dad in their big bed. It means that it's easier for me to wake them up, too. But, they're good at getting me changed, fed and back to sleep.

Wednesday was my first full day at home and I reckon they must have left lots of things to the last minute, as there was constant washing, drying, moving, shouting and so on. Bit noisy, so I kept my head down mainly.

On Thursday, I watched The Jungle Book with my Daddy, who told me that it was one of his favourites from when he was a little boy. He knew all the words to Bare Necessities and I'm The King Of The Swingers, which impressed me. He even did the skit bits. What a performer.

On Friday, my Mum and Dad's friends Bob, Fran, Sam and Archie came around to see me. They brought a present for my Mum and Dad and not your truly, which shocked me! How come they get presents?

Saturday was busy, when Great Aunties Diane and Jenny came over with Nanny Gilly. She cleaned the whole house from top to bottom all day while Mum dealt with me and Dad disappeared. Grandpa Gray came around to see me in the afternoon, and then I watched Finding Nemo with Dad while Mum slept.

And on Sunday, Nanny Lynda and Mum and Dad's friends Dan and Kate are coming to see me. Before Nanny arrived, Mum and Dad took me outside! It was a bright but chilly day. They walked me through the Cadbury factory, past my Grandpa Walsh's old offices. Then we got to the park and did a couple of circuits before the rain began to fall. Bet they wish they'd brought my all-weather cover now. So, cue me being hastily rammed into the shelter of a yew tree, while Dad arranged a taxi home.

Dad cooked a lovely Sunday roast chicken for Nanny and Mummy, before Dan and Kate arrived, and they all fussed around me until I went back to sleep. I need to give Mum and Dad these little recuperation breaks.

Naturally, each visit brings more presents, so I'm loving it. When is my next viewing scheduled?

What A Difference A Day Makes

24 hours, 48 hours, what's the difference? I'm now chowing down on a neat combi of 80:20 breast and formula. I've lost a little weight since I was born, but handily the staff have used kgs and not lbs and ozs, which is what I understand. Anyway. I was 3600g to start off with. I am now 3180g. So, in line with all these skinny-me obsessives that I've heard about, I've already managed to go down at least a size. For the less-European of you out there, I began at 7lbs 15oz - which I guess is the same thing as 3600g.

After some very long-winded thinking on my part, I can now safely report that I am now 7lbs 2oz. Which is perfectly normal for babies, don't go getting worried, folks. So far, my favourite things are, in descending order: sleeping, eating, pooping, farting, squealing, pulling funny faces (see pooping and farting) which amuse my Mummy and Daddy. And sleeping. I love my Mummy and Daddy. They do everything.

Hello There

I am Max. I was born at 0624hrs on Saturday 3rd November 2007. I weighed in at 7lbs 15oz. My Mummy (which I now know she is) and my Daddy (that's the noise I've heard a lot that wasn't the Transporter) and lots of other people have been fussing me and generally playing with me. This is all well and good, but what I really want to do is sleep all the time. Sorry about the dark shot, I've already made it quite clear that flash photography is not permitted. I've been in the dark for nearly a year, let my eyes adjust. Thank you.

My Choons

This is the fantastic Ben & Rosie Musical Mobile, which will allow me to while away hours of gurgling, napping, dribbling, pooing, sleeping (maybe. If they're lucky) and other such involving baby matters.

It plays 'Brahms Lullaby', which sounds nice.

They will have to make sure that they always position my cot mobile well out of my reach and not forget to remove it from my cot as soon as I start to sit up, kneel or pull myself up.

Thankfully, it is suitable from the moment of my birth, so I'll get a few miles out of this before they have to take my first moving toy away from me.

My Crib

Here is where I plan to hang with my homies (teddies). Once The Other One gets rid of all his stuff in the office, better known as my room, I'll move in there in a bigger bed. This'll do me for now.

My Ride

The Lady and The Other One have only gone and got me my first car! Bless them.

It's a Mutsy Urban Rider. As you can see, it comes with all sorts of bells and whistles for when I'm little and when I'm not so little. Nice one.

I heard someone outside the other day talking about how buggy-buying is one of the shamedly few pre-birth activities that fathers-to-be engage in. I think The Other One likes it more than I will.

28 Weeks

Yep, 28 weeks and 5 days, making this 28th August 2007. The Lady thinks I look like a cartoon dog. I'm not sure that's a very nice thing to say about me. Whatever a dog might be. Or a cartoon, while I'm at it. I'm looking straight at you in this latest addition to my portfolio - with my body heading off to the right. You can kind of make out shoulders and arms, though having heard about my contortionist positions from The Lady, it could be my legs.

24 Weeks

It is 31st July 2007 and yet again, these bozos can't count properly. It is, in fact, 24 weeks and 5 days and you've guessed it, The TransporterPod has gone to the big, noisy place with The Other One. I'm really rather cheesed off with this beeping noise now - it's no way near as good as Chris Isaac or Manu Chao, which The Lady has been playing to me, somehow.

Anyway, as you can see, my spine is looking pretty tasty on this picture. When I say tasty, I don't mean tasty like BBQ spare ribs, more that it's all in place and doing what it should, which is holding my head onto my body. Though I do admittedly look a bit like a duck grazing on the riverbank. When did I grow flippers? If I don't shift soon, I'll get a crick in my neck.

20 Weeks

It is the 3rd July 2007, I have been alive for 20 weeks and 5 days, and it's time for another photo shoot down at the noisy, bright place with the beeping and prodding from The Medic. Life is tough under the gaze of these wanton paparazzos. Though, as you can see from my contacts sheet above, my backbone and skull are clearly visible, and the placenta is still clearly visible, thank goodness.

13 Weeks

It's really 12 weeks and 6 days, the date being 9th May 2007, and The Lady has gone somewhere much quieter but for the same kind of beeping and gentle proddings. This time, I think they filmed me moving about. I bet they don't supply that on the NHS. I wish they hadn't caught me with hiccups, though. Bit embarrassing, that. I've had all my tests done now and apparently I am all clear for launch.

12 Weeks

Today is 1st May 2007 and it's actually 11 weeks and 5 days. I went back to the big, noisy, beepy place and once more the old tummy gel squirting happened. I could almost feel the cold moment myself, even deep in here. There were two other people with The Lady; The Medic doing the bleeping that kept passing over my head - it's not very loud, but it's quite annoying - and The Other holding The Lady's hand. Afterwards The Lady and The Other Person were making happy noises because I think they've taken a photograph of me in The Lady's tummy. The Other Person was laughing because The Lady thinks I look like Homer Simpson, whoever he is. The lighter grey area to the top left of my photo is The Lady's placenta, which is where I get all my lovely stuff from like food and oxygen. Good work, placenta.

6 Weeks

Today is the 27th March 2007. It's about six weeks since I began, and there seems to be a lot of attention being paid to me. Today, I felt The Lady shiver as someone else squirted cold gel onto her tummy, just outside my BioPod. Then, I heard a series of rapid ultrasonic beeps, like the way a dolphin's sonar system works, though I don't know that yet. Both The Lady and The Medic seemed happy with the beeping. That's very nice for them, whatever it is. Now can you stop it, please, I'm trying to get me head down in here. As my BioTransport left The Medic, I think I heard her mention that The Lady could get a photo next time, though I have no idea what she is talking about.